done.

i am done! here is my family tree project. it was simple and fun and a really reflective experience. Here it is- canvas covered in suede brown material. colorful buttons with brown embroidery thread. it is hard to see from these pics but each button holds the name of each family member from the Paschall and Maneevone side with their year of birth. The center tree is Sam, Manoah, and me and a lot of empty branches, someday to be filled with names (we hope!) In all, the project cost around 25- 30 bucks (i already had the material). It was so interesting writing all the names on each tiny button... and thinking these are names of people who have lived before me. They had full meaningful lives. They laughed, ate, cried, and played. They are my family... shared blood, traditions, and genetics. life- it is a crazy beautiful thing.
thanks for joining me on this creation journey. Love.

my husband. the preacher.

yup. thats my husband. I'll be perfectly honest and say that he is awesome. he spoke last sunday at church and it was the best sermon i had heard in a long time. he spoke on Humanity's deepest longings. if you have some time you can listen to him too- http://208.106.176.178/mhc_sermon.asp

love you sam.
Anjuli

recently i have feel as though i have been living on the outside.
i don't feel much deep inside me. i mean deep deep down where i am usually gripped by passions and convictions and truths... recently ... i just do not feel moved. I feel life from the outside. i cry, but i only feel the tears on my checks, but not my soul weeping.

this is a numbness from the inside.

i went to a concert last night and heard some really beautiful music. music. the sounds of instruments and melodies contain some profound magic that drills holes in hardened hearts and saturates even the most solid of surfaces. i guess i just felt, for a moment, my insides again and it felt really good.

phase 2.

another taste of my family tree project.
more to come.

made me cry :)

So i am a fanatic 'SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE' fan. I love this show! It makes me really really happy. I discovered that the dancers from this show teamed up with American Idol crew and pulled off this amazing performance. Yes, it made me cry with excitement- i don't care if you judge me for my shallowness... I wept and they were happy tears :)
check it out for yourself (grab some tissue!)

http://www.givememyremote.com/remote/so-you-think-you-can-dance-on-idol-gives-back-video/

family tree...

i've been contemplating for months now how to create this next project. i have wanted to make our family tree (Maneevone's and Paschall's). And like most great projects, creating this piece came to me when i wasn't even thinking about it. and when i started creating this piece in my head i tossed and turned all night with excitement. so here is a small taste of what i hope will be a beautiful project, one with deep meaning, reflecting a life time of memories... stay tuned.

Lost.

Since sam was sick two weeks ago, i did something i said i would never do... i got into a new tv series. We have been borrowing "Lost" seasons 1-3 from my good friend and staying up absurd hours of the night watching people shooting each other, blowing up hatches, finding the 'others', and fighting their own personal demons. To be honest, i love this show. The show does an amazing job of displaying so accurately the truth of human nature. Each character faces trials and through flash backs of their past we understand the choices they make on the island and the struggle they go thru to overcome their past mistakes.

anyway, I've just been thinking about Lost and how i have felt lost a little myself. I sat in a circle with some amazing people last week. I shared a piece of my story and they reflected back to me what they saw.

One woman responded- "i see you not as a pebble skipping on the wrestling currents of a river, but a strong solid rock settling on the rivers floor. You carry depth about you Anjuli"

and another shared. He is an older gentleman, Russian and full of wisdom-
"hold out that picture of your son."
(and i did).
Look at him-"What is he doing?"
"nothing" i responded "just sitting there"
"And do you love him?"- he asked
"yes- i love him very much"- my heart warmed and filled with love for manoah as i looked at his picture, tears filling my eyes
He asked- "i wonder if God feels the same way towards you- even when you are doing nothing?
(hum...i got it- and tears rolled down my checks.)

Sometimes i get a little fuzzy in the brain. I definitely don't see myself as a strong and steady 'rock' or one who is always loved deeply by God. But i'll tell you this... it is real nice to have people just take the time to want to see me and love me and remind me of who i am.

and about Lost. I get so freaked out at night that i can't sleep. i imagine the "others" are outside our house and are waiting to take me away to their huts and stick needles into me. As my good friend reminded me "Anjuli the Others are on an island far far away.. you don't have to be afraid."
Thanks for that reminder :)

Watch Lost- it will open you up. but be prepared to get addicted.