Monday, October 6, 2008

moving rooms





A few days ago Sam and i decided to move a few rooms around in our tiny place. It reminds me of when i was young. When all of my sisters would get the brilliant idea to switch rooms and roommates. We would stay up late and move all our furniture around and tryout out the dresser and desks in new places. There is something to this process that feels so good, a cleansing, a change. It is kind of like tricking yourself into thinking that you are in a new living space, even though the walls and the home are the same. Really, sometimes you just gotta move the couch and buy new pillows, and put the table in the corner at a slant. Here's the thing though, our house is dismantled and i don't know how to put it back together again. The pictures are off of their walls and the shelves are stripped of books and colors. oddly my home mirrors my heart.... as if the things that are a mess in my life don't know how to put themselves back together again. i am tired today, and yesterday and before that. i've given all i can, and i feel so done. it is a sad feeling to say goodbye and to close a door to a life and a friendship and parts of me. but sometimes this happens. The walls get all broken, and the chairs remain empty, frames lose the life that once danced inside them. and the days of sisters laughing and singing falls to a whisper. changing rooms and picking roommates loses its youthful splendor. night falls and sadness rises. and all the rooms are left undone.

9 comments:

Miriam Maneevone said...

Yes, life is hard in this painful, sad season for us. The dance of life won't ever be quite the same. We haven't had this dance before, and we don't quite know our parts. I hold fast to grace because it brings forth beauty we can see no other way. He alone can bring sense and order of the mess. He has a way to still and quiet our aching souls to see Him. Grace is the sweetest dance of life. Let's dance it together. I love you. Mom

Sara de Neve said...

You are so great with words! I completely remember those room moving days. I was always jealous of you guys since I was never allowed to move anything in my own room. So instead I lived through you and with you all. It was so fun and exciting. For me it meant a new room to sleep over in and I always loved waking up to so many different choices of cereal. (Although I was never fond of the big room with the owl in the tree.) To this day I still love to move furniture around and I drive Michael crazy I think. It is always very spontaneous too and I love it when it is done. Oh my heart feels as your's does my friend. Sad and empty, like a huge piece of me is missing and the hole is still there and will always be. I am glad to have you all during this time. I'm just wondering when it will get easier...

January Paschall said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart, Anjuli. What a gifted writer you are! I want you to know that I am always here for you and will be praying for you. Love you.

jessica maneewan tou said...

oh anjuli. your words carry so much. i can feel the emotions that lace through them. i guess the empty rooms are going through a cleansing of sorts..and one day, God will fill them up again an, He will. *hugs* love you cussie.

the nibbling marmot said...

Thanks for your real-ness and honesty.
Much love to you.

Wichit Maneevone said...

Me too Anjuli I love to move thing around specially room which is moving according to what we want and can enjoy them. When it comes and involve with life and it is hard to do and it will take years to repair (with out someone to help). I wish sometime we can experience life just like moving room or changing room and will be OK. But it is not work that way by using a bandage. Only the grace of God and can do this. We just have to wait learn how to see with His wisdom and strength he can help us to put our family room back together again. Paul prayer for Ephesians 3:14-21.
BTW, Anjuli, you should begin to write, I will buy the first copy. You are gifted in writing and know how to expressing life in words. Love you, Dad

j and w maertz said...

frames lose the life that once danced inside them... my favorite line. you speak so beautifully. you create beauty, and you're very good at sharing it with others. like mom said, we're in this dance for life.

expandinghorizons said...

You inspire me. Thank you for awakening the creativity within me once again.

mal.i.oucious said...

anjuli your words are so sweet and heartfelt. I miss you dearly.