Tuesday, June 9, 2009

tuesday's if onlys

if only... we had our own home
if only... Manoah would nap
if only... i could be who i want to be
if only... i didn't hide my heart
if only... i could live centered
if only... someone would do my laundry
if only... i was the person i really want to be (yup - this one is a big one)
if only... i could figure out how to use my blue tooth
if only... we had a backyard
if only... i knew how to pray
if only... Lost would be back on TV and never ever end
if only...i remembered how things once were
if only... Sam and i could go to Hawaii
if only... my headache would go away
if only... i could get rid of every yucky feeling inside of me
if only... my hair would grow faster
if only... i could cook
if only... i could stop biting my nails
if only... i wasn't so competitive
if only... i could paint the walls blue
if only... i had an ice cream cake in my freezer
if only... i could re-live my wedding day
if only... i could take back those words i said
if only... i could have said those other words instead
if only... i believed Jesus loved me
if only... i could lose this baby weight
if only... i didn't feel guilty about things i'm not guilty for anymore
if only... i was better at playing with Manoah
if only... i could say what my heart really longs to be spoken
if only... i could teach my husband to read my mind
if only... i could eat pasta for every meal
if only... my tuesday's if only list came true.


Mackenzie said...

anj ... this makes me sad :(
i will do your laundry for you when i come to visit.
you didn't hide your heart with that list AND what's more you spoke the words on your heart.
and a lot of those things on your list here, those are the things that make you YOU and those are the things that God (and Jesus) love about you.

in Joe Johnson's memorial program there is page with the words he arranged on the fridge in Gunther (their van) with word magnets:

"so comes life
a raw glorious mess
absurd as art
grace sculpted in death"

i don't know if those words speak to you where you are but I wanted to share them with you anyway. because i love you.

hang in there. you are stronger and more beautiful than you think.


Krissa said...

We have a lot of the same "if onlys". :) Thanks for sharing your list. I love you my friend.

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