3 day transformation.

Before.

After.

With the generous help of my mom, we tranformed my patio. day 1- pick the fabric. day 2- cut out pattern from the old shredded swing overhang and create a pattern for the table cloth. day 3- sew overhang, pillows, and table cloth. Easy, fun, and the results... PERFECT!

good night Manoah.

with Manoah sleepy in his car seat i sang to him. when manoah gets tired in his car seat he always says "mama" and reaches for my hand. With his little chubby fingers gripped around my thumb i sang. a few songs from musicals like Cats and Miss Saigon, kid songs, and then to old hymns that my mom used to sing to me. before i knew it, i felt tears swell in my eyes. "Oh Lord your Beautiful your face is all i seek..." and "Trust and obey for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus..." and Come thou Fount of every Blessing..." My heart ached. I felt these words and the melodies pierce open my chest and touch this child inside of me. i am not sure what exactly touched me so deeply- that my mom once sang these words to me as i drifted to sleep and now i am singing these songs to my son or if i felt the presence of God- perhaps both. as i type this now i think that in some mysterious way as a child i had a special relationship with Jesus. Jesus was real. Jesus was really my friend... i felt Him. i knew Him. i knew Him like He was in the room, at the table, sitting beside me, and actually inside me- deep deep deep inside of me. i knew He loved me. this is what i felt as i was singing to Manoah- like i was a child being in the presence of an old dear friend who loved me. and it felt so nice. a little and a lot like coming home. something familiar and warm and right. something deep, simple, profound, and peaceful all at the same time. something that made my heart echo "yes and hello."

i parked my car in the driveway. picked up Manoah. He rested his little head on my shoulder and drifted slowly to sleep.

Read the previous blog :)

my chairs that fell from heaven

The day after our plans to buy a cute home fell through Jesus dropped me a gift from heaven. You see, i have been looking endlessly over the past few months to find the perfect used wing back chairs to recover in beautiful fabric. My search always came up empty. Criagslist and garage sales never seemed to have the chairs i wanted. With the pursuit of buying this home my mind became consumed with how i might decorate and paint the walls of our new house. My hopes grew and grew until i couldn't sleep at night because i was planning Manoah's high school graduation party in our future back yard. The moment Sam and i walked out of the Lender's office my heart settled at the bottom of my chest in despair. We drank coffee together and discussed how it wasn't the best thing for us to do right now, we finished our coffee, got back in the car and life would move on as usually.
The next morning as i was piling Manoah into his carseat i looked across the street and saw a community yard sale. I pulled Manoah out and walked across the street. and there it was- the chair i had been looking for! I bought it right then and there! Since i had Manoah I asked if they could move it over to my house when they had the chance. In the mean time i hopped back on Criagslist and looked for a matching chair. I looked and found nothing that would compliment my new great find. Hours later i walked out of my house and found that not only was my chair there, but it had a companion... another identical chair!
I guess in a small way i felt that those chairs fell from heaven. It was like Jesus was saying to me, "don't worry about not getting the house, I will still take care of you and the smallest of your hearts desires." I love when God does things like that... He knows my heart and surprises me with wonderful gifts. He knows me.
The chairs are off at American Upholstry being recovered and i can't wait to get them back. As soon as i do- you will see them here :) I found the fun fabric at www.joeldewberry.com

a lot for a monday.

my head fell heavy on my pillow last night. my eyes were tired and dry from many tears. i had a long day. Rachel's (a beautiful friend from college) boyfriend Joe died last week and yesterday was his memorial service. the odd thing about the sunday service was remembering how only two weeks ago, on a sunday, i sat with Rachel around my coffee table and chatted about her love for Joe. around my table i could have never imagined that only two weeks later she would be sharing those same words for Joe in front a microphone dressed in all black.

her words were spoken with such sorrow and love.

God it was a beautiful service with beautiful people and music and a beautiful message. he was an amazing man. he seemed to live a life that very few even dream of living- one filled with romance, adventures, deep relationships and endless conversations.

Last year Rachel and Joe traveled around the US and everywhere else in a van. If you have sometime take a look at their blog www.vandownbytheriver.blogspot.com
You will see some of the most beautiful pictures and read some funny stories.

I met Joe once and i feel so sad that i didn't know him better. i think we could have been friends.
love you rachel.