better.

it's hard not to want to be better at everything. i think about 'being better' all the time. and if i don't think it, i feel it. i wish i were better at cooking, caring, organizing, disciplining, cleaning, connecting, communicating, i mean, seriously, the list continues... i wish i were better.... at everything. today i was "playing" on the floor with my baby, but i was distracted by all kinds of silly things. i was on the floor, but my mind was a million other places. i was thinking about our yard, about how much the chaos was driving me crazy, how to fix my hair into those braid buns i see all over pinterest.  in my maze of thoughts,  noelle was crawling circles around me. i brought my head close to hers and looked square into her eyes. i looked at her, into her. and i realized how little i do that, look deeply into her bubbly blue eyes. i glance, but rarely do i  gaze at her eyes holding mine and mine holding hers. i see my kids, but how often to i stop and wait for our eyes to connect, for our souls to see each other (well, other than me threatening into doing something) ? ahhhh, of all the things i wish i were better at, being with, really with, my kids ranks up there near the top.